for the longest time this holiday, i refused to look at the calendar or attempt to find out when school starts. i thought that this way, the holiday would last forever.
alas, my plan failed. i now know that school starts in 2 weeks time. i also know that it sucks.
one more thing i know, is that stars is a wonderful band.
"the pages keep turning, i'll mark off each day with a cross, and i'll laugh about all that we've lost." calendar girl - stars
"so where do we go from here or end? we're never lovers, more than friends." how about enough - a vacant affair
i hate children. i HATE children. they're irritating and noisy, and most are too stupid to understand when you tell them to fuck off.
i would throw all them little fuckers into gas chambers if i could. only the quiet and shy ones would survive, because that's how all children should be, quiet AND shy.
children are getting more and more irritating and out of hand. i think it's because of all these stupid 'new age' parents who refuse to smack their kids when they misbehave.
they believe that kids should grow up in a 'loving environment' and foolishly try to reason with their kids. they're too dumb to realise that kids are STUPID, their brains aren't developed enough to comprehend right and wrong. they will only understand when when their faces hurt after being smacked.
so as a result, kids are more daring, more irritating, because they know that nothing will happen to them. the worst would be a scolding, but as i've said, they're too stupid to understand.
in conclusion, all kids should be smacked from a young age, or else they'll turn into irritating fuckheads. smack them until they become quiet AND shy. if they're naturally quiet AND shy, they should be subjected to endless LOVE.
when all else fails, just gas them to death. you can always make new children if the current ones suck.
lately i've been seeing many 'stop animal abuse' stickers on cars.
how would that help to stop animal abuse?
i dunno.
i think they would be better off walking around neighbourhoods with knives and hammers, ready to abuse any abusers than pasting stupid stickers on their cars and feeling like they're being better people.
i've been watching quite a few (free) movies these days because i've got nothing better to do.
listed in order of appearance (if my memory serves me well) garden state [oooh natalie portman] shakespeare in love [i didn't understand wtf they were saying] closer [oooh natalie portman is a stripper] there's something about mary [when ben stiller didn't do 20,000 other comedies] down to you [oooh julia stiles] fight club [OOOH BRAD PITT] lock, stock and two smoking barrels [fecking british comedy]
sometimes i feel like i'm invincible, like i can do anything. so i go ahead and do these things, but i always think 'what if?'
what if i fail?
this 'what if?' immediately destroys all my invincibility. i feel weak, i feel vulnerable. i feel scared, scared of failure. i feel useless.
hesitation is good. it keeps you safe from all the stupid effects of rash decisions.
hesitation is bad. it makes you sterile, it makes you boring. when you die, your tombstone would say "He Lived A Safe Life." i don't want that on mine.
i sat in a fly-infested corner of esplanade park and watched as the flies fought among themselves, probably trying to determine which one's gonna be the Lord of The Flies.
"and if you'd 'a took to me like a gull takes to the wind. well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree and i'd 'a danced like the king of the eyesores, and the rest of our lives would 'a fared well." new slang - the shins
the cat in my house is a strange creature. i've tried studying its behaviour to see if there's any sort of pattern to the madness. so far all that i've seen is that it's one fucking random animal.
sometimes it would come up to me and rub against my legs, and then lie on its back, waiting for a rub. so i'll rub its tummy and it'll look happy for a while until it goes mad and start to bite and scratch.
sometimes it would climb onto my lap and sit there while i stroke it. after a while it goes mad and start to bite and scratch again, or just walk away if it were in a good mood.
sometimes it would MEOW loudly, begging for food. i would then pour some cat food into its bowl, and it would smell it for a moment before walking away most unceremoniously.
then i realised the pattern. i've seen it before, when the cat chases random roll-able objects (like whiteboard markers) around the house and pounces on it like it were prey. and then it would get bored and walk away.
it gets bored of me and walks away.
i think the cat behaves so strangely because it's a female. we all know there's something wrong with them and it's bloody impossible to study their behaviour.
i watched protege some time ago, and i thought it reminded me of this song.
good show, by the way.
"heroin," she said, "was the best i had, no more mountains left to climb. the world so slow, all my dreams just too high to be fulfilled in time." heroin, she said - wolfsheim
1. i got fired from GV - because i haven't been working for too long
2. i can't be bothered to learn driving - because my family doesn't have a car - because i don't have anyone to drive
3. everyone's either MISSING or working - or they just don't wanna talk to me because i suck badly - or i don't know how to talk to them because i suck badly - possibly a potent combination of the above
some time ago, i read about lucid dreaming and thought how uber-cool it would be if i was able to control my dreams. so i tried the techniques, but never managed to get any results.
and then i realised that it was probably to my benefit that i didn't, since i think i wouldn't ever wake up if i could control my dreams. if i could live the perfect life, literally the life i dream of, in my sleep, i don't really see the point of waking up.
but then again, i hate dreams. they bring me endless sweetness and beauty, and then steal it all away. i wake up feeling empty, knowing the taste is such to die for, and yet be missing it in reality.
i've been listening to slightly unhealthy levels of muse.
in general, i don't usually experience much regret about life. when something fucks up, i just think "OH SHIT!" and then go on to figure out my next step. i don't think 'what if?' just 'what's next?'
it's because i really do believe that life has something good in store for me, and every 'mistake' i made in the past are just leading me towards this Good Thing.
i'll only start regretting at the end of my life, if it becomes apparent that this Good Thing is never going to happen. and then i'll be thinking "OH FUCK, LIFE, YOU FUCKING SLUT!" and then regret every single fucked up thing that i've done which lead me to this sorry state of existence.
but there are some things i do feel slight regret for, like how i missed the muse concert because i thought they sucked, to put it quite plainly. now i know how wrong i was.
"destroy the spineless show me it's real wasting our last chance to come away just break the silence 'cause I’m drifting away away from you" new born - muse
